That sometimes I come off like a real spoiled brat. I'm going to work on that.
I'm going to work on a lot of things really, starting with the kids. I stopped training for the figure competitions because I got a real look at how that was affecting my family, and household. Chores aren't getting done (but who needs laundry anyway, right?) and the kids weren't getting the attention they needed. My daughter's grades are falling because I've been in such a rush to get to the gym on time that I haven't been giving her the one on one time with her homework that she was used to. People used to ask me why I didn't do things for myself, and it was because I was afraid that everything else would fall apart... and I was right.
On top of that, living in a state of depletion in my diet was shortening my temper and I was yelling first and asking questions later. No one deserves that. I seemed unhappy all of the time, and even though I wasn't, it's all about perception. If my kids thought that I was sad or depressed, then it didn't matter if I wasn't. And then there was my deteriorating relationship with food, and the way I would go on about how fat and disgusting I was... way to be a role model to a pre-teen girl, right?
I guess that's what you get when you don't focus on anyone but yourself. I don't know how I managed to do it for so long.
But I'm moving on now. My weight is going to be pushed very very far away from my mind, and my focus is going to be on my responsibilities, and the extraordinary honor I have of being a mother to these four amazing children. I hate that I lost sight of the most important things in my life. It's time to get back on track.
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