Today has been one of those days when I would have given just about anything to have the money to do Tony's vasectomy reversal now. It's been a stressful time lately, and all I want is to know that this is going to happen for us. I'm ready to start trying... actually trying, to get pregnant.
I want to count the days of my cycle, I want to feel that thick anticipation that is the 'two week wait,' and I want to ask myself if every twinge or passing feeling is a sign that we've finally done it.... We've finally made another little miracle. I'm just so ready.
Maybe it's because I'm a little crazy being a prospective figure competitor, but I think that it's more than that. I've been so consumed lately with all things fitness, that I haven't had a chance to really be a mom. And in the short moments that I have to just enjoy my kids, I'm too drained and depleated to do so. And you know, it's only going to get worse in the coming weeks.
Don't get me wrong, I want to do this competition... No, I'm going to do this competition, and I AM excited about it... but it would be nice if I could just have a little "ooops" and a wonderful little excuse to put my kids back on the forefront of my mind.
It's not forever though. These past 8 weeks have gone pretty quickly, and I imagine the remaining 11 will also pass with the same haste. At least, I can hope right? In the meantime, it's all I can do to just stay awake, and poor Tony is stuck being Mom and Dad for a while. I think he will be more excited than I am when the day comes, and I'm back to 100% Mommy.
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