I swear I spent a solid hour talking to Aaron's developmental aide about having another baby. I talked myself in circles about the pros and cons about having a baby right now, and I've got to say, I'm a lot more confused about it than I was yesterday. This is a decision that I thought was already made, but I had gone back and forth in my head about it for a long time. I know that we are going to have another baby, that part is non-negotiable, but the when and how of it are always changing it seems. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish. I think it's a genuine emotion, selfishness. I wonder if I am doing more harm than good by having a baby now. But then again, am I going to isolate both Aaron and a new baby if we wait much longer? I don't know. Maybe I should run down a list of pros and cons and decide the next set of steps from there. After all, I have until February at the earliest until a decision has to be made.
You know? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just have too much idle time to sit and think of all of the doomsday scenarios. It would be like me to sit and draw out every single possible negative outcome imaginable and not acknowledge the possibility that everything may very well turn out just fine.
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