Happy Halloween!!

Tonight was the first time in the 4 years that we have lived in our house that we have actually gone trick-or-treating in our own neighborhood. For the past 24 years I have always wandered through my mother's neighborhood in search of fun-sized sugary goodness, but since she moved 300 miles away this past June, we walked the streets of our neighborhood instead. And I was pleasantly surprised! In a neighborhood filled with uppity capitalist Republican "go start your own business and buy your own candy, you lazy 5 year old" people, my kids actually made out like bandits. Don't get me wrong, most of my neighbors are trick-or-treat Scrooges. But for those who actually don't mind the parade of costume clad juveniles lurking from cul-de-sac to cul-de-sac, it was awesome. Some houses handed out full sized candy bars, one had a setup of sodas to go with the candy! This house also had a cooler labeled "treats for grown ups" that I could only assume was full of beer. But hey, to each his own. See, some people are thinking "beer? At trick-or-treat? Do you live in a trailer park?" While others realize how much beer costs, and know that this is not the case if people in my neighborhood are just handing it out. Some would call them good Samaritans, they're just doing their part to help people take the edge off dealing with all of the sugared up tiny humans. The best house was actually showing a movie on the side of the house, and handing out candy, hot chocolate, cider (both hot and cold), chips, and hot dogs. They even threw in a million dollars... well, in play money, but still.

Aaron loved his first trick-or-treat experience, even though it was a short one. He's got the worst head cold right now, so I let him hit the 3 lit up houses on our block, and sent him back home with Tony. The older 3 kids and I went the rest of the way around the neighborhood, while the teenagers stayed home and passed out candy (trying to avoid waking up to a house covered in toilet paper tomorrow).

Costumes this year were a breeze. The boys begged me for costumes that they saw at WalMart. And I was all, "wait... these are like $7!" So, no argument from Mom. Aaron was a pumpkin, because for some reason in my family, the baby is always a pumpkin for the first trick-or-treat. It's not intentional, it just sort of always works out that way. Andie was a little more complicated. I was full on expecting to have some sort of preteen battle with her over some costume that was just to oversexed, but "everyone else is wearing it." But she came to me and wanted to be a zombie. Hmmm... I had to swish that one around a bit, because I wasn't sure if it was going to be sweet or bitter. On one hand, she would be full clothed. One the other hand, she didn't want to be something pretty... and well, have you seen my daughter? She's beautiful. I caved, because I know that I'm on the precipice of her teenage years, and I've got to start choosing my battles. So I watched a couple of tutorials, got some fake blood and liquid latex and was able to pull this off....

Yes, I know. I rock. You may applaud :)

Did I Just Talk Myself Out of This? Or Into it?

I swear I spent a solid hour talking to Aaron's developmental aide about having another baby. I talked myself in circles about the pros and cons about having a baby right now, and I've got to say, I'm a lot more confused about it than I was yesterday. This is a decision that I thought was already made, but I had gone back and forth in my head about it for a long time. I know that we are going to have another baby, that part is non-negotiable, but the when and how of it are always changing it seems. Sometimes I feel like I'm being selfish. I think it's a genuine emotion, selfishness. I wonder if I am doing more harm than good by having a baby now. But then again, am I going to isolate both Aaron and a new baby if we wait much longer? I don't know. Maybe I should run down a list of pros and cons and decide the next set of steps from there. After all, I have until February at the earliest until a decision has to be made.

You know? Maybe that's the problem. Maybe I just have too much idle time to sit and think of all of the doomsday scenarios. It would be like me to sit and draw out every single possible negative outcome imaginable and not acknowledge the possibility that everything may very well turn out just fine.

Full Weekend!

This weekend went by in a flash. Tony was on vacation this past week, so clearly that went by in a blink! Seems like every time I finally get to spend time with him, it just goes by too quickly. I miss him.

On the bright side, we had a pretty awesome weekend to lead him back into the work week. Saturday was the homecoming dance and my Janie-Pie's high school. I spent the day dolling her up, and helping Michael learn the basics "Formal Dance 101." Read as: how to tie a necktie, and iron your pants. You'd figure he'd know all of this by 19, but he doesn't. The good news is, he'll be fine by the time he hits 20. They looked adorable together, even though Tony teased Michael mercilessly about trading in his long luxurious (allbeit girly) locks for the Justin Beiber. I didn't think he looked like music's boy (?) wonder... but to each his own. But there was no question about my oldest girly girl, she looked gorgeous. I really wish I could take some credit for that. Well, I sort of can since I did her hair and makeup, but the rest of it is all her.

Today was phenomenal though. It was the start to the cheer season! That's right, we've declared open season on convention centers around the country. Short skirts and waaaaay too much spirit are on the way to your town, so be prepared. Andie's squad did amazing though. They stuck their routine, and pulled off a win!! Yep, FIRST PLACE! That's a great start to the new season. I'm so proud of her. She's come so far, and she loves this sport so much. She's such an athlete, and she's got so much heart. I love that about her. I'm so lucky that she's mine. Sometimes I look at her gorgeous little face and think "there's no way she's really mine." And then she says "Mom, you're in my way, move," and all doubt is removed.

.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year....

It's that time again! Time for glitter, time for sponge rollers, time to spend what's left of our life savings on our nine-year-old daughter. It's cheer season! If you or someone you love has ever been sucked into the world of competitive cheerleading, then you know the hard work that goes into it from all parties involved. The athlete puts in hours upon hours in the gym, the mom spends hours learning and perfecting makeup and hair-styles, and the dad... well the dad spends countless hours at work trying to come up with the hundreds of dollars to pay for uniforms, competition fees, hotel fees (traveling team), makeup, curlers, warm ups, food, and things you can't imagine. All Star cheerleading is a super demanding sport, but we're a cheer family, and we love it. We will continue to love it, right up until the money runs out!

Last season; doing makeup.

The finished product.

Our first competition is this weekend. Everyone is super excited! The team has been doing a great job perfecting their routine, the girls are so ready to get that adrenaline rush that takes hold when they step out on the spring floor. Being a travel team, we're accustomed to 2 day competitions, and stuffy hotel rooms, but this season is keeping us a little closer to home. Most of our competitions are one day, and within 150 miles! Awesome! I think that we only have 2 that are out of state. Trust me, that's a good thing, considering last season had us living out of a hotel room every other weekend. I swear I saw Indianapolis more times last season than I saw my hometown! But for all of my traveling woes, I will say one thing, it's really a treat for my kids to get to see all of these great places. Last season took us to Chi-town. Since our children were home schooled at the time, we took an extended weekend and hung around for a mini-vacation. It was a real blessing. We plan on doing the same this season with another out of state competition.

Jamfest Chicago February 2010

All in all, cheer season is my favorite time of the year because it makes us all cheerleaders. We spend an abundance of time together as a family, we get to cheer for our daughter, and at the end of the day we all feel like we won.

Big bear hug from Dad after winning!

Like a Lawn Chair....

I folded. For the past 7 years that I have been reproducing boys, Tony has been begging me, time after time to name our son... wait for it.... not yet.... almost going to tell you.... Ashley. [grunt] I'm sorry, but in my humble opinion, Ashley is a girl's name. When we found out Anthony was a boy, he said "you know the perfect name for a boy? Ashley!" I think the way I screwed up my face in distaste when he said that answered his question. Then we found out that Aidan was going to be a boy. "What should we name him?" I wondered aloud. Only to hear Tony's voice across the room answering, "you know, I think Ashley is a good choice." I just shook my head. No way was I naming my son Ashley. Can you imagine the ridicule? Even the nickname "Ash" wouldn't save him. Then I got pregnant with yet another boy. I threw every remaining boy name out on that table for our third son. Save for one. The omitted name did not go unnoticed. When I said "Adam? Aaron? Archer? August? What do you think?" He simply looked at me smugly and said "you know what I think." ARGH!

So here we are, trying for our fifth child, and if our track record gives us any indication of what the gender of this baby is going to be, then we are looking at boy number four. So, again we are trying to figure out what we will call our bouncing bundle of baby boy (should the Y chromosome decide to show its onery face again). If you haven't noticed, we give all of our children an "A" name... so that narrows the field considerably. I was throwing around names yesterday, and made a decision. A middle name decision. The baby's middle name will be Ronan. A little old, a little European, a little stolen from Stargate Atlantis (but my goodness is Jason Momoa dripping with hottness?!) But there it was. My choice, independent from my husband. I picked that name, and now we had to pick a first name to go with it. Archer. Right there, the perfect name, right?

Tony: "Archer? Archer Ronan? Double R? It sounds like one long name, Archeronan."

Me: "Crap. It kind of does."

Tony: "That means that Asher would sound the same way."

Me : inaudible grumbling

Tony: "You know what name would go great with Ronan, right?"

Me: "Shut up!"

But you know, he's actually right. Ashley goes very well with Ronan. I'm sort of okay with that. Now, I just have to figure out how to let all of his future teachers know that he will be going by "Ronan" before the treacherous first day of school. The last thing any boy wants to do is raise his hand during the first roll call when the teacher calls out the name Ashley. Or worse, go and sit in the desk bearing the "Ashely" name tag that the teacher has taken the liberty of scrolling hearts and butterflies on.

You know what would solve this problem? Having a girl.

Missing the Window....

It seems like all of the people I know who are expecting are having girls. So, am I missing the pink window? It's no secret that after 3 boys, Tony and I would love to be able to bring a little more pink into the house (not that we wouldn't be just as happy...and well practiced... with another boy, but change is nice). I wonder if maybe I'm missing my imaginary window that will enable me to have a girl? Silly right? Yeah, I know. But I have gotten pregnant in the same season with all three of my boys (all pregnancies started in winter, ended in fall). Whereas, I got pregnant in the fall with Andie, and had her in the spring. Hmmm... maybe there's something to all of this? Maybe not. I'm probably just trying to think of anything to influence the odds in favor of a little pink. I miss frilly pantyhose, and flowers, ribbons, and bows.

Don't get me wrong, I would be blessed either way (some women who voice a desire of one gender over another get berated about it) and would be just as ecstatic to have more blue. I mean, where boys are concerned, I'm a bit of a pro. AND, I have all kinds of boy clothes, toys, etc. As a matter of fact, we've already narrowed down our boy's name! So, in reality a boy would be preferable... but, we would really like to add one more girl to the brood before we stop reproducing.

Our Yearly Recommitment...

Every year Tony and I take the kids to the Ohio Renaissance Festival. It is by far one of the most fun things we do as a family, and in our opinion it never gets played out. We genuinely love it. Each year since we got married, we have gotten a festival mug as our little tradition. This year, we decided to start a new one. This year, we decided to renew our wedding vows. We got a little certificate to prove it! It was a really awesome experience. I thought that it was going to be something small, and casual. No big deal. But it was more than that. It was significant. It really felt like we were redevoting our lives to one another in a very real way. And like a big baby, I cried. From now on, during our yearly trip to the Renfest, we will do this again and again. It will be our yearly recommitment to each other, and our family.

We really went against the grain this year. Usually, we follow the same routine of shows, games, shops. This time, we saw shows we hadn't seen before, and walked into shops that we'd passed over in the past. We even bought the horribly overpriced and terribly cliche turkey leg (which I suspect may actually be ham). All in all, it was a fantastic day. So with a hearty HUZZAH! And a wish of a gentle evening. I bid thee farewell. (I know, I'm a nerd).

A Day at the Farm...

There is nothing in the world better than fall. Sure, that's my opinion, but I like to turn my opinions into facts sometimes, so roll with it. Fall time gets us all out of the house almost every single weekend because there is no shortage of things to do.

Today, we took the kids to a local farm that we discovered last year. Even though it was terrible hot outside (really Mother Nature? 85 degrees in October? Really?!) a fun time was had by all.

There were lots of fun things to play on, like a pipe swing, and a "pillow jump."

And lots of cool stuff to do, like a petting zoo.....

... a horse drawn hay ride to a pumpkin patch....

My 4 little Angels

... and a corn maze...

my children of the corn

LOOK! I was actually there! (with my cornsilk mustache....sexy!)

We had a great day! I love our family weekends. We really like to make every day count, and I CANNOT wait to share all of this famiy lovin' with a new little angel! We're waiting for you little one, until the day we get to meet you.

Happy Fall!!!

Single Dad Laughing...

A friend of mine posted this on Facebook today, so I thought I would share it with all of my imaginary readers out there :o)

I think that this blog touches on a lot of problems that we all see, or maybe some of us have where our children are concerned. It really shows how easy it is for us all to screw up, how easy it is for us (the most important people in our childrens' lives) to break them down. And some of us don't even think about it. I know I'm guilty of saying "No" to my kids without even thinking if that thing was important to them. Maybe I should say "Yes" to ice cream more often. They are just kids after all. They have such a precious short while to enjoy this carefree time. I'm not saying "let's give them everything, and no consequences." I'm just saying that maybe, if there's really no good reason to say "no," then maybe we should stop being stubborn and say yes. I know that I make a concious effort to spend time with my kids, but after reading this, I'm going to take a few extra minutes and just do the little things that make the difference. A bedtime story for my four year old, a cheer at the football game for my six year old, an extra "you're beautiful" or "you're so smart" for my nine year old, and making sure I don't make the same mistakes with my one year old.

There is no perfect parent. I think that it's about growing. If you make a mistake, then admit it, move on, and be better for it.

Enjoy!

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.hmtl


*note: if the link doesn't work you can go to http://www.danoah.com/ and the post is called "You just broke your child. Congratulations."

SpongeMom ImpatientPants....

So, I've already put in a call to the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) to see what types of things clinics are doing now, and to see how the prices have changed in the past (nearly) two years. I want to get ahead of things, and see what options we're looking at. We need to know if they plan on helping us at all... insert getting cut off by a bartender joke here..... or if we need to keep looking. I feel guilty even contacting these doctors sometimes. Here I am with my four amazing, beautiful, and healthy children, and am asking for another miracle while so many of their other patients are trying unsuccessfully for the millionth time to get pregnant with their first child. Even though we have battled infertility in the past, I still feel like I'm pushing it. I don't know, maybe they don't care. Maybe I could have 25 kids and it wouldn't matter to them.

I do know that we aren't going back to the same RE that we went to last time. We don't feel 100% comfortable with them. They're a great clinic, and their success rates are awesome. We just feel like they cater to a different crowd, an older crowd. Being young parents can really be a pain sometimes, especially when you have multiple children. I don't want to go into an already stressful process feeling like people are judging me as a parent by the number of years that I have been on this Earth. I want to feel nothing but support from my doctor. I didn't feel that there. So, we are still looking. I wish wish wish we could go about this naturally, but we can't. Between his infertility and mine, it's just not as easy as squeezing in some baby dancing at the right intervals, and POOF! Pregnant. We were lucky that the Clomid worked last time, but so far this time around, I still haven't ovulated at all. ARGH!

This waiting really stinks! Much like the diaper that I can smell from across the room. I suppose, I should probably get up and change that now. Yuck!

Playing Back and Forth...

I'm sure that Tony and I will eventually settle on how we're going to go about having another baby, but right now we're just playing a game of tug-of-war. At least we're not back in the place where we were back and forth about having a baby at all. I love that he smiled at me today and kissed my head and talked about how excited he was, and that he was 100% devoted to our decision to have another baby.

We talked again today about IUI, and he said we would likely try 2 cycles and then go from there. Though I'm totally unconvinced that he has dropped the reversal subject for good. I think that it will come back up. He may not say it, but I whole-heartedly believe that part of his wanting the reversal is because he wants to have more than one more baby. I can't be sure, but I think it's a possibility. That, or he just wants to get laid more. Either way. Seriously though, I know that he wants another daughter, we both do... but we're kind of prone to having boys. I think that maybe he sees the reversal as the best option in case we have another boy, and then it won't be such a pain to give it just one more shot. Nah, he just wants to get laid more.

In other news, we've opened our umbrellas, because per usual when it rains, it pours. Our health insurance lapsed which generally isn't a horrible thing. We were going to pick it back up at the beginning of the month when it rolled around. So since we had a plan in place, naturally the sky started falling. First, Anthony got an inner ear infection... $80 office visit, $15 antibiotic. Not too big of a deal, right? Well, then I get a letter... time for Aaron's immunizations. Crap. Well, that's another $80 plus shots. Then we get a letter from the pre-school... Aidan's physical from last school year is expired. By this point, we've got the hint. Don't let your medical coverage lapse. So we dish out the $50 for his physical. :::deep breath::: I am so glad that's over! But then God decided that He really needed to drive His point about our irresponsibility home last night. I got to Anthony's football practice in just enough time to see him crying about his arm. I took a look at it in all of its bruised and swollen splendor. I looked at Tony and shook my head. "It looks broken to me."

A few hours in the ER, and a few x-rays later we found out that it wasn't broken. That was the good news. The bad news? There's a possibility that there's a growth plate injury. And that could end up being much much worse. So we're watching it. If it doesn't get any better, then we have to take him to his regular doctor for additional care and he may end up in a cast for up to 5 months depending on the severity of the injury.

In the meantime, I will be doing a lot of praying. Despite my sarcasm and occasional wirty dords, I'm a very devout Christian (shocked?) and I keep the Lord in the loop for everything in my life. This will be no exception. I believe in the power of prayer, and trust that God will take care of me and my family. So this situation... or string of situations... is going to be left in His hands, because I know that I'm not strong enough to carry this all on my own.

Love Them!

In case you ever wondered why I loved being a mom so much, this is why:

My 4 kiddos!

This is my 4 kids, plus my little brother (who lives with us) and his girlfriend. I very much consider them my 5th and 6th children.

These 6 kids make not only my day, but my whole life. I am very fortunate to have them. I hope all mothers are as lucky as I am.

Reversal on the Table?

This is new. After all of the fighting and carrying on when we decided to have a fourth child about why having a reversal was a terrible idea, and totally out of the question, Tony is saying that he's thinking that it may be the better option.

Wait, what? When did that change?

I'm not opposed to the reversal. I think that it would be a great thing to do, in theory. But in reality, it's more expensive, and it opens up the possibility of having more than one more child. I guess the more than one more child isn't entirely bad, but that's not the point. Also, I have secondary infertility. I am likely going to need to go to the RE anyway for that, and have to pay for the medications too. So that's like paying for both processes.

I'm just confused. I don't care to do it "the old fashioned way," but I'm just having a hard time figuring out what exactly changed. This is going to be a long process either way. But I think that the reversal way is going to take that much longer. We would have to wait to have the surgery, wait for the recovery, wait for the sperm count to increase, and then wait cycle after cycle to finally get pregnant. Who knows how long it will take for me to actually get back to normal anyway? Not to mention, if Tony is fertile, they may make me wait 12 months until they will put me back on the meds that I need.

Again, confused. I don't know what's going to happen next, but a very special thanks to a good friend who gave me the name and number of her hubby's urologist in case we should decide to go on with the reversal.

Back on Track...

Today has been a very eventful day! I swear, I have been all over this city and back and it's still not even time to pick the older kids up from school. That's just the beginning of my day. There's still football practice, and school pictures to be had tonight. It's just a crazy day in the life of a big family!

Amidst all of the insanity though, I have been doing a good job of keeping up with my diet today. Weight Watchers is a Godsend for someone like me. I love it. I am very excited to be doing it too. The points system helped me lose 90 pounds in the past, and go from this....

November 2006

To this..... (I actually lost another 5 pounds after this one was taken.)

January 2010


Now, I've gained some of that weight back for a lot of reasons since that picture was taken in January. And I'll be honest, I was eating too much, and not working out like I had been when that picture was taken. In May, I did a triathlon and came in fourth! As a treat for all of my hard training, I gave myself food. Again... and again... and again. Then the binging took hold, and, well, here we are...

September 2010

I'm back to 155 pounds and I was feeling absolutely miserable. Until today. I feel awesome today! I had some egg whites with spinach, and lowfat waffles with fruit for breakfast (5 points) a deli turkey sandwich for lunch with steamed veggies, an apple and laughing cow cheese (4 points!!) and for dinner? Who knows? I am supposed to get 27 points right now since I'm still breastfeeding, but being that we're starting the weaning process, I've dropped it down to 22 points (that's how many I would have if I weren't breastfeeding).

As far as working out... no luck yet today. I have a munchkin with an ear infection, so I had to take him to the doctor during my workout time. Maybe I will fit in a run this evening with my oldest kiddo. We're going to do a 5k together in November. It will be her first race!! She's super excited! After this pregnancy, I'm going to get back into racing too. I like triathlons and half marathons... but I'm hoping that one day I'll be finishing the real deal :o)

Dear AJ...

As hard as you may be trying, I am undeterred from having another baby. Though it may be midnight and you're sitting at my feet ripping a piece of paper instead of sleeping soundly in your crib, I'm not scared. You forget, I've done this before. I'm no novice here, I know what I'm doing. And yes, I know what I'm getting myself into in my pursuit of a fifth child. So, this sleep deprivation form of torture you've chosen to inflict will not break me. I'm tough. I'm a mother. Your mother as a matter of fact. And for the record, I'm not thinking of my pillow and quilt right now. I only have eyes for you. I'm watching you take in every little thing between eye rubs and yawns. I love your curiosity. I love everything about you, from the top of your little blond head, to the bottom of your chubby little feet. So stay awake little angel. I will be right here to kiss your cheeks, and rub your head until you're ready to turn in for the night. Then, when we both eventually drift off to sleep, I will dream of the day when a baby will be lucky enough to call you their big brother. In the meantime, you are the baby. My wonderful little baby love. And even at midnight, or 2 am, or 4 am... I consider myself blessed that you are mine, and we have that time together. But that may be the sleep deprivation talking :)

Love,
Your Very Lucky Mom

Try, Try Again...

So the dieting thing went great... for a whole day. But today, I didn't do so well. I'm trying, really I am, but I think that knowing that I have months to try and get things figured out is making me complacent. Typical. I have binge eating disorder, and it's an every day struggle. Not a lot is known about my eating disorder compared to the more popular ones (anorexia nervosa, and bulimia) and some doctors don't like to diagnose it at all, because some sufferers use the diagnosis as a crutch. They use it as an excuse to feed their addiction to food claiming that they have no control. Not me. I fight this every day. For me it's a compulsion. I can stick to a diet most of the time, but it has to be very controlled. I have to set up my meals in advance, sometimes weeks at a time. I live in a very strict box, and the second I step outside that box, even a little, I lose total control. It doesn't even have to be something big, it could be an almond. One. One almond more than I had planned to eat, and I go into a tailspin. It's awful, and I hate it.

Today was one of those days. I'm trying to get past it and move on without making it any worse, but I keep hearing that nagging voice in my head saying "you already screwed up, so you'd better eat as much as you can, as fast as you can." I hope I can get through the rest of the day without getting back to that place where I'm so full that I can't move, or talk, or even breathe. I know what you must be thinking "if it's that horrible, stop doing it." I really really wish it were that simple. But, we all have our issues... that's mine. It could certainly be worse. I need a reminder that this is for my child. I need to get better not only for my future little one, but also the four that I already have. Especially my daughter, she needs me to be a better role model. She's an amazingly beautiful little girl, and I do NOT want her to inherit my relationship with food, or my body image issues.

On a lighter note. I get a new washer tomorrow! WOO HOO! Mine bit the dust a few weeks ago, and it's been a chore to take 7 peoples laundry to and from the laundry mat to wash. It's going to be nice to only have to lug hampers full of stinky clothes a few feet to my laundry room. It may not seem like much, but to a mom of 4, every little convenience helps.