Information Overload...

I never thought that there was any such thing as too much information until today. We're trying to weigh all of the pros and cons of each of the possible ways to add to our family, and it seems like we're (and by we're I mean I'm) always making sure that we know the ins and outs of each possible baby scenario. So, we've decided that we're going to learn more about the foster to adopt option also, as we wouldn't mind adopting a baby Aaron's age or younger (so we don't upset the birth order). I will be calling the DJFS on Monday and finding out about how to take the foster/adoptive parent classes, so we can see if that's a viable option for us. We are working within a time frame though. If it's not looking like it's going to work out, then we will move ahead with the pregnancy option in February. Besides, Tony and I had always wanted to adopt one of our children, so we may need to know more about this avenue anyway. We're perfectly fine with whatever situation presents itself, as long as all roads lead to baby.

When we discussed the vasectomy 5 years ago, we discussed having more children, and how we would go about that, and adoption was what we had decided. The only reason we "had" Aaron is because I wanted the pregnancy experience again. Otherwise, it would have been an adoption, without question. Right now, we're in the opposite place. Whereas before, I wanted to be pregnant, this time, we just want to have a baby. The pregnancy isn't as important to me as it was before. Especially when I have to take into consideration the issues I had with my previous pregnancy, and the likelihood that I will have to have a second c-section. It amounts to a little but of apprehension when it comes to a prospective pregnancy... but not enough to keep me from fully wanting to do it. It's like a boxer taking one on the chin for a million dollars, sure it sucks, but it's more than worth the pay day.

I've looked into the foster parent classes, and there is only one left in 2010, and it is a "lightning course." Which basically means all of the classes are shoved into two weekends. That seemed like it would work out perfectly for us, except for the fact that we would have to be there on Friday, Saturday, and Sunday... but Tony works on Fridays. Since we would both need to be present at all classes, that's not going to work out. So, on Monday, when I put in that phone call to DJFS, I'll see if there is any way around that. Maybe we could make up the time? I won't know unless I make that call.

I guess right now, it's all up in the air, and figured out at the same time. We will work with the possibility of adopting through the county until February, and if nothing comes of it by then, we will pray that we are able to get pregnant with our one precious last chance. If not, it's back to the drawing board. I'm not sure what we will do if we don't conceive. Maybe go back to DJFS? We'll see what the future holds. An agency adoption would be wonderful, but the bill that would rack up would get ridiculous in a hurry, and we don't really have enough credit to take out a loan for the expenses.

I know that I'm letting all of this get me a little crazy, and turned around, but it's just one of those things. I'm sure you've had that feeing in your gut, a desire so strong that it make you nauseous. That's where I'm at, and I'm just trying to make sure I have all angles covered so if it doesn't work out in the end, I can say "I tried everything that I could." Although, I was told tonight that if we were to win the lottery that Tony is definitely going to get a reversal, and we're going to "go at it like rabbits." Men.