Hiatus...

So, I deleted the blog for a while because I just sort of figured that we were out of the baby game and nothing but heartache was going to come of constantly talking about how much I wanted a baby. So, I closed down the blog and tried to move on. Then, last month by some miracle we were able to give getting pregnant one last shot. Imagine my shock when I found out this morning that I AM PREGNANT!

Well, I guess technically I found out yesterday. I took a First Response Early Result test 2 days ago and there was a line so faint that I couldn't even be sure that it was a line at all, and then yesterday I took another First Response and it was a smidgen darker. I was over the moon when that happened, so I broke out a Clear Blue Easy Digital test and there it was staring at me "NOT PREGNANT." Boo. I shrugged my shoulders and attributed it to the fact that I was only 10 days past ovulation. However, as the day wore on, I kept second guessing the First Response test. I remembered reading somewhere that they were so sensitive that they could produce false positives. So, I lingered on that thought, or rather, worry all day long.

When I woke up this morning, I was out of First Response tests, so I got one of my wonderful WalMart tests out and figured I would give it a shot. It was positive within the time frame which was good, but over time the line started to fade. Lucky for me, I collected my... uh, specimen? In a cup so I got my last digital test out and prayed.

I think I did a Jersey Shore style fist pump and then sent this picture to Tony who is equally elated.

Now it's about staying healthy and hoping for the best. One of the first things that tipped me off that this may have worked way on July 3rd, I went to the store to buy the pregnancy tests and stopped at the little kiosk where you can check your blood pressure, and mine was a little higher than it has ever been, so that worried me a little. I'm going to plan on getting myself to a healthier place though to take better care of me and baby. I'm going to limit my sodium and processed food (eat closer to nature) and try and get to the gym at least 5 days a week. I may look for a nice swimsuit that will fit over an expanding belly so that I can get in some laps since it's good, low impact exercise later in my pregnancy. Next week, I will start back with lifting some light weights, and getting in a 1/2 hour of cardio a day. This baby deserves the best vessel possible and with my blood pressure already a little on the rise, I don't want to go down the preeclampsia road.

I am blissfully happy right now, but in all honesty, I'm a little worried. Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have lived such a blessed life, that I think that the universe is going to eventually have to correct itself. I'm trying to let go, and let God so that I can find peace... that's helping. But at the same time, I see all four of my amazing children and wonder if I'm pushing my luck. I hope not. This will more than likely be our last child, just because it's going to become a financial strain, and the longer I have a baby at home, the longer I have to wait to go back to work and start contributing to this family financially. So, we have pushed this as far as we can, really. I will be creeping up on my 27th birthday when this little one is due... and I think that will be a good time for us to stop. I mean, I knew I would have to stop sometime. But something inside of me just didn't see a complete picture when I looked at our family. So, I am just hoping and praying, and praying and hoping that this little one hangs in there, and comes into our life, and completes our picture.