Waiting...

On my pregnancy symptoms to really start. I knew when I got my positive test early that I would be waiting on that "pregnant feeling" to catch up to the news. I always get nervous though, when I'm not immediately sick, or my boobs don't automatically hurt, or I'm not passing out from fatigue. I know a lot of women HATE to have all of the "negative" symptoms of pregnancy, but I say BRING IT ON! These symptoms are just a way for my little one to say "it's ok Mom, I'm here." This early on in pregnancy, when you aren't showing, and nothing is kicking you, it's hard to remember that you're pregnant at all without those symptoms.

On that note, I have continued to take pregnancy test after pregnancy test, just to make sure that they are still positive. I'm terrified that I'm going to wake up from this dream I've been having where everything was right with the world, and I was expecting another baby. I think the only thing that I have had since I found out is some food aversions, and some cramping. Otherwise, it's just buisness as usual.

My blood pressure was down today, and I have been trying to eat really good... but Tony kind of bullied me into eating fast food for dinner. I don't think that he meant to, but it goes back to him manipulating me. I was fine to eat at home but he kept talking about how we didn't have anything, and then he brought up something from Wendy's that I had previously mentioned wanting to try, and the dance continued. We ended up with fast food, I ended up with a tummy ache, and then I was pretty upset with him and didn't really kiss him goodnight. Even before he left to go and get the food, I told him that I really didn't want to eat fast food, and I was rooting through the fridge to find something else that I could eat. This is the first time he's manipulated me like that since I broke down and talked to him about it. So, I'm going to let it slide, just this once. But if he ever does it again, and I'm in a position where I end up doing something that I really didn't want to do to begin with, just because he wanted it... we will have a problem.

Anyway, I'd like to drop that subject please! LOL. On to happier things to think about. Like baby names. I don't want to jump the gun too much, but choosing baby name is my ALL TIME FAVORITE part of being pregnant! I think that our girl name is pretty much set... Anabel Charlotte, but there is another contender that I keep counting out, but then it gets right back up again. Avangeline. I LOVE IT. But it's so close to our surname that I keep thinking that there's no way I can use it. But then I think "well, we could call her Ava." I don't know, I guess I will work out a middle name for Avangeline and then decide when I meet the baby. A boy's name is not even on the table right now. Tony likes Adam. I do too, it's super cute for a little boy, but I don't know. I think it's a little plain. But simple can be good too. A good middle name would be Gabriel, which I really like, and there's no reason that the baby couldn't go by Gabe. Eh, I don't know. I'm still a little in love with Archer and Asher, and with either of those names comes the name Ronan, which I think is an uber masculine name, and would offset the more feminine Asher perfectly. But again, we will have to wait and see.

I just can't believe that I'm in a position to even think seriously about baby names. I can't wait until I get to meet this little one! I'm elated over this whole pregnancy :)

Hiatus...

So, I deleted the blog for a while because I just sort of figured that we were out of the baby game and nothing but heartache was going to come of constantly talking about how much I wanted a baby. So, I closed down the blog and tried to move on. Then, last month by some miracle we were able to give getting pregnant one last shot. Imagine my shock when I found out this morning that I AM PREGNANT!

Well, I guess technically I found out yesterday. I took a First Response Early Result test 2 days ago and there was a line so faint that I couldn't even be sure that it was a line at all, and then yesterday I took another First Response and it was a smidgen darker. I was over the moon when that happened, so I broke out a Clear Blue Easy Digital test and there it was staring at me "NOT PREGNANT." Boo. I shrugged my shoulders and attributed it to the fact that I was only 10 days past ovulation. However, as the day wore on, I kept second guessing the First Response test. I remembered reading somewhere that they were so sensitive that they could produce false positives. So, I lingered on that thought, or rather, worry all day long.

When I woke up this morning, I was out of First Response tests, so I got one of my wonderful WalMart tests out and figured I would give it a shot. It was positive within the time frame which was good, but over time the line started to fade. Lucky for me, I collected my... uh, specimen? In a cup so I got my last digital test out and prayed.

I think I did a Jersey Shore style fist pump and then sent this picture to Tony who is equally elated.

Now it's about staying healthy and hoping for the best. One of the first things that tipped me off that this may have worked way on July 3rd, I went to the store to buy the pregnancy tests and stopped at the little kiosk where you can check your blood pressure, and mine was a little higher than it has ever been, so that worried me a little. I'm going to plan on getting myself to a healthier place though to take better care of me and baby. I'm going to limit my sodium and processed food (eat closer to nature) and try and get to the gym at least 5 days a week. I may look for a nice swimsuit that will fit over an expanding belly so that I can get in some laps since it's good, low impact exercise later in my pregnancy. Next week, I will start back with lifting some light weights, and getting in a 1/2 hour of cardio a day. This baby deserves the best vessel possible and with my blood pressure already a little on the rise, I don't want to go down the preeclampsia road.

I am blissfully happy right now, but in all honesty, I'm a little worried. Like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I have lived such a blessed life, that I think that the universe is going to eventually have to correct itself. I'm trying to let go, and let God so that I can find peace... that's helping. But at the same time, I see all four of my amazing children and wonder if I'm pushing my luck. I hope not. This will more than likely be our last child, just because it's going to become a financial strain, and the longer I have a baby at home, the longer I have to wait to go back to work and start contributing to this family financially. So, we have pushed this as far as we can, really. I will be creeping up on my 27th birthday when this little one is due... and I think that will be a good time for us to stop. I mean, I knew I would have to stop sometime. But something inside of me just didn't see a complete picture when I looked at our family. So, I am just hoping and praying, and praying and hoping that this little one hangs in there, and comes into our life, and completes our picture.